Star Wars Travel Guide by Casino Reviews

Let me be perfectly, completely, absolutely and utterly honest to the point of pain here – nobody joined the Rebellion to freeze their ass off on an ice planet for months at a time. Not a single person. NO ONE. If someone tells you “Yeah, man, Echo Base is literally the best,” punch them in their species’ respective reproductive organs, because they’re utter liars. I can tell you, as a rock farmer from Dantooine, there was nothing more I wanted than to be a Rebel pilot or soldier touring the Galaxy, going on missions and just having crazy adventures. Like those Fulcrum agents that do stuff like espionage and interrogations while sipping on Sullustan gin and chatting up a beautiful lady! But nope, instead I’m stuck here, cleaning bathrooms and writing a blog. Hooray.

As if to pour salt in the wound, a few days ago Mon Mothma came up to me and said “Hey Larek, morale has been a little low, so why don’t you post this on your blog?” And she gives me this huge, sprawling, impressively done travel guide done by some guy calling himself Casino Reviews (that’s an odd name, I think it’s Dathomirian). I mean, seriously? How is showing the people all of the cool places where they CAN’T go supposed to boost morale?! And… Is that Echo Base listed under Hoth? Are you absolutely sure it’s a good idea to give away our super secret ultra hidden hideout in a leaflet like that? Well, alright, you’re the boss, just don’t be surprised if the Empire comes knocking one of these days.


(via www.casinoreviews.co.uk)