Let me be perfectly, completely, absolutely and utterly honest to the point of pain here – nobody joined the Rebellion to freeze their ass off on an ice planet for months at a time. Not a single person. NO ONE. If someone tells you “Yeah, man, Echo Base is literally the best,” punch them in their species’ respective reproductive organs, because they’re utter liars. I can tell you, as a rock farmer from Dantooine, there was nothing more I wanted than to be a Rebel pilot or soldier touring the Galaxy, going on missions and just having crazy adventures. Like those Fulcrum agents that do stuff like espionage and interrogations while sipping on Sullustan gin and chatting up a beautiful lady! But nope, instead I’m stuck here, cleaning bathrooms and writing a blog. Hooray.
As if to pour salt in the wound, a few days ago Mon Mothma came up to me and said “Hey Larek, morale has been a little low, so why don’t you post this on your blog?” And she gives me this huge, sprawling, impressively done travel guide done by some guy calling himself Casino Reviews (that’s an odd name, I think it’s Dathomirian). I mean, seriously? How is showing the people all of the cool places where they CAN’T go supposed to boost morale?! And… Is that Echo Base listed under Hoth? Are you absolutely sure it’s a good idea to give away our super secret ultra hidden hideout in a leaflet like that? Well, alright, you’re the boss, just don’t be surprised if the Empire comes knocking one of these days.
(via www.casinoreviews.co.uk)
Our Rebel Alliance really isn’t as big as most people think it is, and that’s intentional. An organization like ours lives and dies on its reputation, so the more fierce and powerful we appear in the eyes of the population, the more likely others are to join us and/or donate funds and technology that we can put to good use. Nobody would want to risk their life for us if they knew how few of us there really are! Still, the fact that there’s not that many Rebels means that we all know each other! Take, for example, the crew of the Ghost, who are all good friends of mine, and by that I of course mean that Sabine once looked at me and Zeb threatened to tear my arms off. So that was fun. Still, even if I don’t know them very well personally, I’m quite familiar with the Ghost crew’s exploits – both before and during the Battle of Scarif, where the Death Star plans were stolen by the rebels known as Rogue One, which ultimately allowed that Dirk Starkiller guy to blow it up. Oh, yes, the Ghost crew were actually quite involved in that massive space battle, believe it or not! Here’s how!
Look at the bottom side of this image, taken from one of our cruisers – it’s the Ghost, right there in the flesh… Err, metal, I mean. Isn’t it truly beautiful in person? I really wanted to touch it once, but remember earlier when Zeb threatened to tear my arms off? Yeah, that was when. I can’t fault him, though, he’s just being a little overprotective for Hera’s sake! And speaking of her…
Hera Syndulla is the name of the Ghost’s captain, as I’m sure you know by now, but Syndulla is also the name of her father. Apparently, people in a family have the same family name, imagine that! Well, on Yavin IV, right before the Battle of Scarif, General Syndulla gets called by the dispatcher! I never got which of the two the dispatcher meant, but my own personal theory is that it’s both, and whoever it was that called them just got lazy. Looking straight at you, Baxter, you scruffy looking nerf herder!
About five years ago, the crew of the Ghost actually assisted princess Leia with delivering three Hammerhead Corvette starships to the Rebel fleet, which are put to good use from that point on. During the Battle of Scarif, you may remember that one of these very ships was used to make two Star Destroyers crash into each other, in a moment that made every single Rebel at Yavin IV instantaneously pee their pants from the sheer awesomeness. I should know, I was on janitor duty that day.
Like any good starbound team, the crew of the Ghost have their own astromech droid, in the form of the mildly psychopathic Chopper, whom I am extremely pleased to have never met. We came unbelievably close, though – here he is, on the left, passing by! And there’s me, waaaay to the right, with the vacuum cleaner! Can you see me? Funny to think that the closest I ever got to danger in a battle that killed dozens of my comrades was when I was in the same room with an astromech droid…
Greetings, fellow Rebel fighters! It is I, Larek Dao, proud foot soldier of the Rebel Alliance and the guy you’re stuck with while you’re chilling here on Echo Base! Ha, get it? Chilling? Because we’re on a planet made up entirely of ice and snow? Okay, comedy’s not exactly my strong suit, but can you blame me? I grew up on a rock farm on Dantooine, so I didn’t exactly have a lot of time to work on my impeccable sense of humor. “Oh, you mean like a quarry, or a mine?” I hear you asking. No. A rock farm. We literally grew rocks. My job literally involved watching rocks grow and then picking them up when they were big enough before shipping them off to the Empire, and if that sounds worse than watching paint dry, then congratulations, you have a healthy, functioning mind! With that in mind, can you really blame me for running away from Dantooine on a stolen cargo ship and joining the Rebel Alliance?
I was promised combat, adventure, close shaves with the enemy, thrilling space battles, maybe, just maybe, a date with Princess Leia. But alas, the combat and adventure never happened, I’ve never seen an enemy in my entire life, I was never taught how to fly a spaceship, and the Princess keeps making out with that guy who blew up the Death Star, the one that kinda looks like her a little bit. I’ve got no idea what this is all about, but needless to say, when Admiral Ackbar called me and several new recruits to his office, I was ecstatic! “Finally,” I thought to myself, “some space adventures!” Instead he simply said something along the lines of “Felan will be cleaning the toilets, Larbec will be clearing the Tauntaun stables, and Dao will be managing the blog. Dismissed!” What a ripoff! More than once I asked him to reconsider and send me off to fight on the front lines, but he kept repeating that “It’s a wrap” and his decisions were final. So here I am, blogging about Rebel stuff and dishing out anti-Imperial propaganda. On the bright side, at least it’s more exciting than stone farming!